– We have some footage of you doing what I believe is the gnarliest kickflip that the world has ever seen.
– Is it the one over the fence in the parking lot?- It is.
I mean, how high is that do you figure? 27, 000 feet? (audience laughing)- Nah, probably 14 or 15 maybe.
– [Rob] Ladies and gentleman, take a look at this.
(audience exclaiming) – Some kid tried tojump over that just feet and broke both his ankles.
– You’re a bad influence.
(audience laughing) I’m not gonna try with a board, but I’m just like Ryan.
Snap, snap! (audience laughing) All right, well thisnext category is called Not Enough Pop.
People who just didn’tquite have the lift.
You got it.
No, you don’t!(audience exclaiming) – That’s high.
– [Rob] Grown up Charlie Brown’s drunk.
Go ahead, Charlie.
(audience laughing) Fly high! (audience exclaiming) – That stutter step, dude! – [Rob] Look at his little stutter step.
– [Ryan] Just that little.
– [Steelo] You see right where he missed, that little toe.
(audience laughing) – I’m big, I’m red, I can fly! (audience laughing) Pull out your camera, I’ma do it! ♪ I’m a little blader ♪ (audience exclaims) – That’s what you get.
– It’s just what you get.
I’m a little kitty.
Prison break! (audience exclaims) Okay, now I realize that that was crazy.
Last thing you ever wanna do is see a nice nimblecat fall over a fence, but this next video isthe exact same thing, only like four more thousand pounds.
Parkour! (audience exclaiming)- That’s so ridiculous! – [Rob] Okay, I believe this is some sort of an Olympic event.
– [Ryan] Oh no.
(audience exclaiming)(audience laughing) – Why leave the fat, uncoordinated guy to be the last one to jump?! Put him right here.
Go ahead, big fella.
– [Ryan] Oh my, just.
– I’m so sorry, I’mgonna out my chest on you and rub on you.
(Chanel laughing)(audience laughing) Ryan.
– Do you have stalkers? – Do I have stalkers? I would imagine so, yeah.
– Right, now we triedto build a whole segment around stalking, and it didn’t work.
– The only thing that we could find is animal stalkers.
It is beyond creepy.
(audience laughing) Hey there, pretty kitty.
Mind if I get a taste ofyour pretty, pretty fur? (cat screeching)(audience laughing) Beat it, beat it! You dirty stalker! (audience laughing) You wanna know what? You’re gonna wake up inthe middle of the night and he’s gonna be in your butt.
(audience laughing) – [Woman] Cute little guy.
Come on!- [Cameraman] This is funny.
– [Woman] He thinks that this is funny.
– [Rob] Does he? – [Woman] This isn’teven a car, he’s like– (woman screams)(audience laughing) He’s gonna come through the window! – [Cameraman] No he’s not.
(horn honking) He’s got big nuts.
(audience laughing) – [Rob] I just wannatalk, I just wanna talk! Yeah, fine! Go! Go back to that dirtyfreeway whore of yours! (audience laughing) – [Chanel] Wait.
– Yes, go ahead.
– I thought, does it have horns? – [Robs] Tusks.
– I thought those were extinct.
(audience laughing)- [Steelo] Oh, yes! – Horns are in fact extinct, however elephant tusks are not.
(audience laughing) I think we’re thinking aboutthe wooly mammoth, are we? (audience laughing) Just an elephant, no fur.
– Okay, I was so confused.
– Ice Age is over.
(audience laughing)- Ice Age is over.
– [Rob] Uh-oh.
What’s on the end of this camera? A dead bird? (audience laughing) – [Steelo] That’s some weird (beep) man.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! – [Steelo] This is so weird.
– Oh, whoa, whoa! (Rob screaming)(audience laughing) That is a true animal stalker.
(audience cheering) – What’s up, baby! – Take a seat, take a seat right here! – What’s up?- Hi.
– How you doing?- Nice to meet you.
– What’s up, man.
How you doing? – Look, Rob, Rob, look.
What’s life about in the off season, man? – Couple parties there, couple parties there.
Maybe work out in the hotel room, do a couple pushups at night and then be like, “I just got it in, “let’s go back out.
” (audience chuckling) – See, look, to meyou’re still young enough where you don’t even gotta work out ’cause they now what you’re gonna do, they just gotta throw it near you and you just (grunts).
(grunting) – I went out one night before practice and I went to practice like, “Man, I don’t think Ican do this anymore.
” – Doesn’t aging suck? It’s stupid, man!- Aging does suck for sure, and now I’m thinking, “Man, at 26 I’m feeling like this.
“What am I gonna feel like when I’m 30?” – You’re gonna feel like, “I can’t even, “do we gotta play this week?” (audience laughing)(Chanel laughing) Well, here’s the thing, as you get older you’re gonna get wiser, but things are gonna make you angry.
Just like everybody in this category called the Age of Rage.
Take a look.
(applause and cheering) – What the (beep) do you give a (beep) for you dumb (beep).
Get outta here! (audience laughing) – [Cameraman] Strategically.
– Get the (beep) out now! I’m gonna hit you mother (beep).
(audience laughing) – I was voting for Bernie Sanders before the video right here.
(audience laughing) But you can’t be tellingthis is my president, man.
– Why are you closed!? Tell us why you’re closed! – [Rob] That’s the out door.
– Tell us why you’re closed! – [Chanel] They’re not closed! There’s like 100 people inside! – The lady over here is like, “Go around!” (audience laughing) Look at her! – [Rob] Everybody’s shopping.
– [Steelo] Go around! (audience laughing) – I was the (beep) champ all summer long! Summer Tournament, I’m the (beep) champ.
Look, I’m in the Summer Tournament! I’m the (beep) champ! Look what he (beep) does! I got nothing! – Pause it.
He deleted his game off his phone.
(audience laughing) – You need to fix it or(beep) pack your (beep) and get the (beep) out.
I’m dead serious.
– He’s kicking him out over Angry Birds! – And his kid’s like 12.
(audience laughing) You’re in 7th grade now! Get the (beep) outta here! (audience laughing) You don’t wanna meetthis guy on the freeway.
– [Motorist] You got a problem? – Yeah, I got a (beep) problem.
(audience exclaiming) – But you would’ve never guessed though.
He got glasses aroundhis neck with sandals on.
(audience laughing) You’re gonna be like, “He wants to talk to me.
” – [Motorist] You got a problem? – [Steelo] He coming to (beep) you up! (audience laughing) – I’ve been waiting for the day for someone to come up tome and just throw a punch so then I can actuallybeat the (beep) outta them.
And then in the media I’ll be like, “Self defense!” – Okay, let me explain something to you.
No one is coming up to you.
(audience laughing) Nobody is coming up to you like.
Now, I’ve gotta believeyou’ve been involved in the type of shenanigans where a man has gotten so drunk that he has not woken up and that you’ve markered himup or some sort of thing.
– Oh man, that was high school days.
We weren’t drinking back then ’cause it was underage.
(everyone laughing) – He was calculating it up.
– That was the most classicthing during high school.
My brother did it to one of our teammates and put a big huge penisgoing into his mouth.
We had practice the next morning and literally, our coach was like, “Yo, what were you guys doing last night?” He was like, “What?” He’s like, “You got a big penis “going into your mouth, dawg.
” – Look, everybody in this category, they coulda ended upwith (beep) in the mouth.
(everyone laughing) Everybody in this category coulda ended up withpenises drawn on their face because they were Unwakeable.
Take a look.
– [Cameraman] Kirk, you hungry? – [Friend] Yeah, I couldtotally use some salad.
(audience laughing) (Rob blabbering)(audience laughing) – How do you sleep that hard? – This is when yoursoul has left your body.
You’re so drunk that yoursoul’s not there anymore.
(cameraman blabbering)(audience laughing) – [Steelo] Is that Pat? – [Rob] I mean, it’s Pat, it’s like.
Austin Powers (audience laughing) Am I smoking? (audience exclaiming) – That’s nasty! – Yeah, baby, let’s eat cigarette! (Chanel laughing)(audience laughing) (audience laughing) – [Steelo] Bruh, you can’t be that asleep.
You can’t be that asleep.
– Man, you just are, man.
Just looks like a (beep)Star Wars character, man.
(audience laughing) (band playing loud music) – [Steelo] No! You can’t be this asleep! – He’s asleep.
Or he’s dead.
(everyone laughing) This is.
I don’t even know how.
– [Chanel] Oh my God!(audience exclaiming) – How do you manage to get a cow to (beep) on a man while he’s sleeping?! – He did it on purpose too, the cow did.
– [Rob] Yeah he did! – That’s so.
– [Rob] Amish alarm clock.
– [Chanel] Oh!(audience exclaiming) (applause) – This could be one of you! This could be one of you, he’s from Thousand Oaks just right around the corner.
– [Christian] That’s right.
– MVP this year, man, what’s it feel like? How amazing? – Been a lotta fun, all good things and I get to hang out with you.
– Look, I mean, shoot, look.
(applause) You’ve gotta win an MVPto hit this stage, okay? (audience chuckling) You’re an amazing because you are gifted.
This first category is dedicated to those that literally have no gift and no business playing baseball.
We call it Least Valuable Players.
Take a look.
(applause and cheering) (upbeat music) Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go.
(audience exclaiming) – [Steelo] Oh, he hit his nuts! – Does this happen? – Yeah, you get a lot closer to doing that than you think actually.
– It seems impossible.
Seems like you have to be aspecifically (beep) hitter to hit yourself in the nuts.
– It’s a talent.
– [Steelo] Okay.
You didn’t bring your uniform? – [Rob] She’s got it.
– Oh, man.
Why does she run like that? (audience laughing) Why does she run like that?! – She seems kinda athletic, the way she swings, but then we she gets to cooking, like.
– Look at her swing! She ran like Forrest Gump in the beginning then these words just come on.
(audience laughing) They should just stop this league.
Whatever league this is, just stop.
– I’ma go back to Instagram.
(audience laughing) Here we go, here we go, here we go.
Big Daryl, Big Daryl.
(audience exclaiming) – [Steelo] But he had it though.
– He was trying to show off! Look! You can’t tell me that’s working! He just broke both legs! – You don’t need all that tocatch Kevin James, though.
– We’re good, we’re good, we’re good.
Got ’em, got ’em.
(audience exclaiming) – I’ve seen that happena couple times too.
– Man, and look, nobody in the bridge bar.
(audience laughing) Not a single (beep)person’s in the bar tonight.
– [Steelo] Oh!(audience laughing) – [Rob] Here we go, here we go, here we go.
(audience laughing) – [Steelo] That happensall the time, though.
That happens all the time.
– I don’t believe this ever happened to your Golden Glove winner.
This doesn’t happen to you? – No, it happens.
Right before it gets dark, the twilight and the lights, as soon as it gets abovethe stadium, disappears.
It’s the worst feeling.
You’re out there all by yourself.
– He bailed off.
His head was more importantthan looking good.
(audience laughing) Got it, got it, got it, got it, I’m out, guys, I’m out.
– You gotta fake it though.
– There you have it forLeast Valuable Players.
When a ball is hit to you, is it by any means necessaryyou’re gonna catch that ball? – Yeah, most of the time.
Sometimes there’s some extraexcitement to go after it, somebody’s robbed you before and they’re hitting andyou wanna go get ’em back.
July 22, 2020
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