What is football? That’s easy, it’s this, right? This is football.
Played with pads and helmets and vicious hitsand sometimes scantily clad uniforms.
If you go to anywhere in America, and saythe word ‘football’, everyone will assume you’re talking about this.
However next door in Canada – they playsomething that looks very similar to American Football, but it’s not.
If you ask a Canadian what football is, they’llpoint you out to this.
What’s that I can hear? It’s the annoying sound of British haterswho come out with the same tired ass joke.
Year in and year out.
Oh they don’t actually kick the ball, andtheir ball isn’t actually round.
It should be called handegg, it’s handegg, hand egg, hand egg hahaha hand egg.
Firstly, that handegg joke wasn’t funnyin the 90’s and it’s still not funny now.
And secondly, they do actually kick the ball.
It’s actually a really important part ofthe game, though people who haven’t watched a great deal of it would actually know that.
And thirdly, this is not an egg shape.
This is an egg shape.
There’s a difference.
Speaking of the English, to them this is football.
The sport played where you actually have tokick the ball, like, most of the time.
Association football (that’s what it’sofficially called) but sometimes it’s called Soccer because well, it’s there, is probablythe number one played and watched sport in the world right now.
Aha, so this is real football.
Well, to most English people it is.
But there are some that believe this is football.
You might know this as Rugby Union or RugbyLeague, but the official title of the sport is ‘Rugby Football’.
If you don’t believe me, check out the governingbodies official titles.
Yeah, Rugby is a kind of football.
It’s a thing.
And they also claim that they played theirgame before the formation of the Football Association.
But in general, each code of Rugby refersto themselves as ‘Rugby’ to differentiate it from association football, and use theterms ‘Rugby Union’ and Rugby League’ to differentiate them from each other.
The Irish however, claim to have inventedtheir version of football – a sport called Gaelic Football way before the invention ofRugby.
Even though their pitch and posts looks suspiciouslylike a game across the water, and their ball and gameplay suspiciously looks like anothergame across the water.
Nevertheless, the Irish claim that this isreal football, and football in Ireland refers to Gaelic Football, not Soccer.
Enter, the Australians.
Who from halfway across the world also claimto have invented their version of football, independently of the Irish, and claim thattheir game preceded theirs.
Even though one of their founders was (quitesuspiciously) a former Rugby player.
Hmmm, well it’s a bone of contention that’sdisputed amongst historians – but football in Australia generally refers to Aussie RulesFootball, not soccer.
So is there a game that’s indisputably olderthan these? Yes there is, and it’s by the Italians.
To some Italians this is football.
Calcio Storico, translated as ‘historicfootball’ was the original version of football before the invention of soccer.
It’s based on an old Roman game called Harpastumand in general, it’s one part football, 90 parts beating the shit out of each other.
This game is violent and historically Popeswere allowed to play this game … armed with swords! A freaking sword, are you serious?! Being stabbed to death by the holiest manon earth in the name of sport, is a really bad deal.
Okay, violent popes aside, what’s actuallythe oldest form of football? Well, if you’re asking the question ‘whoinvented the first game that involves kicking a ball’ it’s actually the Chinese.
Yes, they played a similar sport over 2000years ago, where they had to kick balls in order to score goals.
This was mainly played during festivals andcelebrations.
Even FIFA (the corrupt worldwide governingbody of Association Football) acknowledges on their own website, that it was the Chinesethat are the first to play any variation of the sport of football.
So … this is football? Yes, obviously.
Come on now, seriously? Well, to ascertain what football is, I’vecome up with a simple dictionary style definition.
Any form of team game involving kicking (andin some cases handling) a ball, which may or may not be completely spherical, that isthe most popular form of the game in the country that it is played in.
So by that definition, in the US – it’sthis game.
In Canada, it’s this, in some parts of theworld, it’s this or this.
In Ireland this is football, in Australiathat’s football.
In Italy, that’s football … kind of, inChina – that was originally football.
And in many countries in the world, this isfootball.
One word, several sports, all football.
…………Hang on wise guy, what do you think football is? It’s this … obviously.